Yesterday I had my second injection of Mounjaro. Taking the injections is way easier than I imagined, probably partly becuase the needle is the thinnest I ever had to deal with, far from the large ones for blood donation and the massive one for piercings. Lucky that I the blood donating got rid of my anxiety regarding needles.
My hunger dissapeared right away and that starving feeling I usually get by lunch never came. The dinner hunger was mild and the reason I then ate ice cream after was a bad habit and the fact that I had it in the freezer. From now on I’m gonna try to not buy this I shouldn’t be eating.
After I stopped with Mysimba my body waged war on me and decided that we needed to eat EVERYTHING that we had avoided for the past months. I gained like 2 kgs in less than I month. As of this morning I’m down 1,5 kg from that peak weight, so it’s all moving in the right direction.
I changed health care clinic today. I don’t know why it makes me nervous. With the expection for the last doctor I met, pretty much every single one at the previous clinic haven’t given me a good experience. It’s only been the bare minimum. So how much worse can it get? Plus the new one has better opening hours.
I thought I had found a good doctor at the previous clinic when he helped me with the weigh-loss mediciation and when he wasn’t delusional regarding what is a good BMI for me, but the notion of me stopping the medication and then keep losing weight with “behavioural modification and diet changes” is laughable. If it was that easy I wouldn’t be overweight in the first place.
So now when the medication ran out in the end of december and no one reached out for follow up, just bit the bullet and made the change. I do not need someone to call me for a blood pressure test once a year without making it clear that according to their documentation I have hypertension, tell me it’s a bit high but not high enough to treat and I should just try to loose some weight and then not listen to me regarding my issues regarding weight-loss. If you’re not gonna help me, I’m gonna try somewhere else. You’ve had at least 5 years to change, so now I’ve had enough.
So a new clinic and new hope of some actual good treatment I move on in to the new year. Plus, this new clinic has telehealth, which I hope I will get more used to.
During last year, I was on medication for weight-loss for 10 month. During this time I did loose 10kg, which felt like a success. But the weight-loss wasn’t the biggest win. That was the fact that I could live my life without having to always think about what not to eat, to battle the cravings as well as the shame and anxiety that comes with “failing”. I was able to just live my life, in a way that ‘normal’ people without a fucked up relationship with food and eating do.
But after 10 months, my doctor had the mentality of “you can’t be on this medication forever, you just need to change you habits” and I wasn’t given the medication anymore. And of course, as soon as I stopped, my behaviour returned to what it was before. This makes med feel like this isn’t an issue regarding my habits (shouldn’t stopping to do something for 10 months break a habit?) but rather something wrong with my brains or hormones? I get medication that tweaks with the signal substances in my brain and I change my habits and then when the medication stops, I go back to what I did before.
So after struggling with my weight for 20 years, I need to deal with this for real. I’m going down the injection path. I will not be on Ozempic, but Mounjaro in hopes of my brain starting to cooperate with me and that perhaps I finally can loose the weight I keep gaining during the seasonal depression episodes. Maybe I for once in my adult life will reach a weight so that I don’t have to have the discussion with doctors about BMI being a stupid measurement for someone who’s just over 1,5 m and built like I should have been going into battle.
But I do have some, maybe not guilt, but something similar about it. It feels like cheating, the same way weight-loss surgery would feel like cheating. Why is that? If it’s not working the way it “should” be done, why should you keep suffering and not do what will actually help you? And who am I cheating? I know what I’m doing, I’m not fooling myself. I won’t go around bragging about my weight-loss (if there is any), but I will be honest on how I did it if someone asks. It’s like it HAVE to be difficult to loose weight and any time you get any help to make it easier, you’re cheating. Nothing else I’ve tried have worked and I have enough knowledge so it that it “should” work, but it’s not enough. I need help and so I decided to do this. I still will have to eat less and take care of myself. It will still be a process. So why does it feel like cheating?
